The Architect Within You

Pain is part of our lives no matter how much we want to avoid them. They say, when you feel pain, then you are experiencing life to the fullest. It is a matter of how you would deal with it and how would you prevent it from happening again. It is part of our lives for us to be better personally. As an individual, we have our self-image that works with our behavior which is groomed based on the people who we grew up and interacted with and reactions to the pain we have dealt with. These experiences have created different patterns or what other say as a defense mechanism that is now part of our subconscious. However, aren’t you getting tired of feeling the same kind of pain over and over again?

The following are some known patterns and I bet you are one of these:

  1. Drama Pattern – This is the “it is not right to be okay” pattern. When things go smoothly, your subconscious tells you that this is not right then something drastic emerges.
  2. Accident Pattern – Some people simply have a way of getting into any form of accident whenever there is a chance.
  3. Sickness Pattern – There are people who have unintentionally scheduled sickness, like monthly flu or Monday headaches.
  4. Mess Patterns – Some people just can’t keep anything in order, they are inclined to being messy all the time
  5. Broke Patterns – No matter how much someone makes, there are those who are just always out of money.
  6. Job Change Patterns – These are those who just can’t stay in a single job for a long time.

So, were you able to identify which pattern you currently have? If you do, then you are at the next and hardest step in finding success: change.

Change is constant and it is the most difficult thing to do because of our resistance. For you to change, you have to identify your reoccurring behavior that leads you to pain. You have to start to change your approach and start to see things differently. Every reoccurring pain is a go signal for you to start changing yourself. You don’t want to wait for it to ruin you and affect all the people around you.

You have to stop pinpointing it to others the reason for your pain, after all, you can’t change them but you can change yourself and meet better people once you have embraced the change. You have to believe in yourself that you can do it. You have to do it because you want it and not just because you need it. Slowly, you feel better when symptoms of pain arise, because you know how you will deal with them in a positive way. A healthy mind is a key to change if you fill it with more good thoughts as it produces productive ideas and emotions.

Stay positive as much as you can if you want to succeed in life and stop wasting your time. Once your self-image is improved then you will be able to mix with anyone in the world and accomplish your goals in life. Maybe the people you are blaming before would see your change and realize things on their end as well. Isn’t that a great accomplishment and success as well if you get them to change?

Remember that you are what you think you are and you will become what you believe will be coming.

Resource: Being Happy by Andrew Matthews

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Rediscovering One’s Self: A Road To Redemption

There will be a time in your life that you felt lost and seems to ask who you are and what you became to be. A time in your life that you are living in a dark place where no lights can be seen at all. It is like your soul was suddenly unattached to your body going to the astral dimension thus making you feel numb and almost dead. Quitting should never be an option yet we know it is the simplest solution.

Loosing one’s self could be the worst thing that may happen to your life. You lose your identity resulting to a domino effect that will affect everything around you. Sometimes it may happen in one blow and sometimes slowly that you can’t even notice it until you felt like your feet got stuck somewhere and it is hard to lift nor move. You may come out everyday with a mask pretending to be alright. You laugh outside but cries inside. You became jealous of others life, you became emotional and dependent to others, worst, you tend to be the person you are not.

It is hard to recover from this kind of life event but if there is someone who could fix it. That will be yourself. You know yourself much than other does. Turnaround may not be quick but taking it slowly will get it done regardless how long may it take. Let me share what I think might help based from myself and those that I have read.

  1. Allow yourself to grieve. You may have taken heartaches easy by just moving on easily but you can’t just shove those feelings and avoid them, eventually they will came back and your progression of being better will be hindered. Deal with them. Take everything that you can learn from it.
  2. Start spending time with your self. Do NOT multi-task. Do things one at a time. Enjoy every moment that you spend doing a task. This will also help you calm down your thinking process and help you to be more focus in achieving your goal. Meditate if possible.
  3. Set your goal. Set a time line if possible, remember that clock is ticking. You have all the time in the world to do so but you also have to consider the people around you. Have a long term goal but important to do short term goals that you can attain in a daily basis. Take note that you won’t achieve the long term goal without doing the short ones.
  4. Acceptance. This might be the hardest one but accepting the situation you have right now is the best way to move forward. Keep the past from the past and start valuing the present.
  5. Ask yourself question to help you identify what you knew about yourself. Questions that will certainly lead to answers that will lessen the burden that you are feeling.
  6. Identify the people, place, event or factors that made you lose yourself. This is when you use your Math Skills (Addition and subtraction). Think those that impacted you most down to the lest one. Control yourself. You might feel angry while you do it but do it not blame them but to understand how, what and why you lose a part of yourself because of these factors.
  7. Think of your happy times now and when you felt you like yourself. This way you can have a guide in rediscovering yourself. You may not be the same person, after all, that is not your goal. Your goal is to be a better person.
  8. Putting a smile in your face may lessen the emotional discomfort as well even though you might think you look crazy.
  9. Think of problems as a catalyst to take actions. Opportunities that will make you the better person you wanted to be.
  10. Be cautious, if you think you are going to fast and begin to lose your way. Pause, breathe, and begin to where you think you got diverted. Follow the path you created, there will always be distractions but remember that it is opportunities.
  11. Finally, remember to stay positive. Be optimistic and have faith in Him.

This are the things that I think may help. There are lot more that can. These are just the basics that I know and would like to share. After all, I got lost several times and was able to rediscover myself every time. You should just need to know how to deal with it.

Some sources:

Spending Great Effort Trying To Please Others Is A Disorder

Have you ever felt being too clingy and being so afraid of separating from someone? Or have you ever felt like your so needy and passive? Well if these are present, then you may not be psychologically alright.

This type of psychological disorder is called DPD (Dependent Personality Disorder), which is usually diagnosed in both men and women during their young adulthood.

So how do we know if we have this:

  • Making decisions is not easy for you without assurance that it will happen. It could be through a form of advice or reassurance.
  • Acting passive and helpless towards adult responsibilities.
  •  When a relationship ends, you felt an intense fear of abandonment and a sense of devastation yet you often moves right into another relationship when one ends.
  • You take criticism very sensitively.
  • Being pessimistic and losing self-confidence
  • You go with the flow despite not agreeing to it since you fear of losing support or approval.
  • Due to lack of self-confidence, it is hard for you to start a task.
  • Being alone is hard
  • You tolerate mistreatment and abuse from others.
  • Placing the needs of their caregivers above their own
  • Tendency of being naive and to fantasize.

If you think you have these characteristics with you. Beware! This may develop into depression or anxiety. Go to your nearest doctor, psychiatrist or psychologist and have you fully examined and treated.

To know more, you may visit WebMD website and search for Dependent Personality Disorder where I learned about this and shared a glimpse of information for your reference. You may also just click the link below.



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The Past, The Present, and The Future

How’s your present life? Was it the one you thought about in the past? Have you thought about your future now?

Most likely, most of us don’t have the present life that we had envisioned. Life could be good to us or the other way around. How we think about our future will constantly change depending on what is happening in our present.

Our past is our past and should be left behind. Yes, it is true that our past made our present but being stuck in the past won’t help us having a decent and attainable future.

We would always remember the bad things from the past and this should help us to avoid it from happening again. Let those scars shape you to what you wanted to be every day moving forward.

As mentioned in our quote, we can never tell precisely what our future will be, we can only imagine it or wish for it. That’s the difference. It is really important to remember that you can never have the future without doing something in the present. Think right and act appropriately, maybe the wish you wanted may be granted in the future.

Having said that, I strongly suggest that you watch the movie or read the novel below. It is not your regular teen flick movie/novel. It is really worth it.

Resource: The Light Between Oceans – M.L. Stedman.


The Other Side Of The Door

What and if are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life. What if? What if? What if? ” (excerpt from the quote of Lise Friedman, Letters to Juliet)

How often have you asked yourself with a question starting with this two words, what if? Some people were haunted by these words even until they die or worst is the reason why they die. It is scary, but it is the truth. Some of us have doubted ourselves with the decision we made in our lives after it ended as a failure while others gained confidence after they succeed.

Making a decision is a risk. Either it is regarding a relationship, career, family, money, etc., You could have two or more choices. Just waking up in a bed once you hear that alarm in the morning or evening, depends on your work, choosing the breakfast to eat and beverage to drink, is a decision that can change the course of your life.

In terms of major decision making, risks would always be associated with it. Most of us wanted to be guaranteed that we will succeed with the decision we have chosen. However, we tend to forget that we also need to set proper expectation for possible failure. Failure comes along with taking the risk but should not restrain us in taking the future risks.

Most of those who failed are those who took the risk without knowing the precaution. They usually put themselves in the position where a high percentage failure will exist. They don’t have any backup or escape plans in case things go south. It is like having a duel, with you having a gun without the bullets, which you know the ending already.

It is important that before we took the risk, we prepare for what is supposed to happen. We should think about the consequences that may happen if we choose this option from the others. We must identify the good and the bad and how will it affect not only our lives but also the people around us. Decision making is critical, so put some time on it, invest hours, weeks or even months if needed.

If you have failed, do not be afraid to continue taking more risks. This time before making the choice, you should be equipped with plans and have set proper expectations. Taking risk is like going on the other side of the door wherein you are not sure what is waiting for you on the other side of it. Having said that, not all planned decisions would have a good outcome but remember that as long as you have options then you could correct the things that were done mistakenly or incorrectly. Do not go back to the past thinking what if I did this or that. You could never turn back the hands of time. You never lose in life. Failure is to learn as to succeed is to grow. Leave the past behind and start preparing for the future by focusing on the present. Live a life with no regrets, a life you will remember and be remembered.

Getting Over: Difference of Recovering and Moving On

Today, March 9th is the Getting Over It Day.Well, I just saw it online and I am not sure why is it being celebrated today but for those whose getting over something. I guess it is time to end those things today and have a new start tomorrow.

How do we get over? Men and women have their differences when it comes to this aspect. The majority of people says that women get over longer than men because of the attachment that they have with their partner or a certain thing. Yet, I am sure, men who will read this will disagree in some ways. So how do they differ? Do women really get over longer than men does?

In the modern era, we see women having a hard time to get over because of multiple reasons. However, the most common examples are cheating, losing a relative and career related. Most women tend to contemplate because of how hurt they feel about it. Insecurities and self-esteem are usually affected and are usually the reason why getting over for them takes longer. It usually takes months and even years for others to overcome it. Most men, on the other hand, when faced with adversity, just continue with their lives like nothing happened. It is life goes on thinking that they have. Usually, it will only take days, a week, or the longest a month for a man to move on.

The difference is because getting over for women means to recover. Recovering is the process of women to get back what was lost or broken like confidence and self-esteem. Men don’t recover like women do, they just move on. They will set aside what they feel, no matter how grave it is, they will just accept what happened but the hurt will stay hidden. There are times that this goes vice versa depends on the personality and character of an individual. It is just that getting over for women are more noticeable than men.

Yet regardless if you are a man or woman, moving on or recovering, you should always remember that the time is ticking. Every second of our lives count. Either you are getting over because of a heartache or any other reason. We should accept the bad things happening to us as opportunities to be better. So let us celebrate this day by getting over and beginning a new chapter of our lives.

Being said, I am leaving you with this quote by Walt Disney

“Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious…and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”


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